I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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