Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
