I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
