if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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