Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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