So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
