1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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