I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
