I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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