Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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