hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
