I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
