We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
