They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
