That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
