I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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