So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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