This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
