got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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