I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
