it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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