Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
