I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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