i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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