this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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