he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
