He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
