his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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