She is in my trunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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