Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
