just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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