I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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