omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
