His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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