made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
