He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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