Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize