Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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