Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
