you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
