You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
