So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
