I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
