3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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