she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
