This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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