Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
