Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
