They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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