Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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