Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
