Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
