Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
