you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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