k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
