READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
