i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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