Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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