My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
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You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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