I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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