So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
