My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
