Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
