Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
